Introduction:

The film opens with a Spartan elder inspecting a baby which resembles Shrek. The baby vomits on the inspector and is then discarded with a punt off the hill. With the next baby in hand, the narrator says as it is Vietnamese, Brangelina gets first dibs. Baby Leonidas is then inspected, having a six-pack, biceps, and beard from birth. He is accepted as a Spartan and prepared for kinghood through his childhood training, from fighting his grandmother to enduring James Bond-style torture at the hands of Le Chiffre. Leonidas (Sean Maguire) is then cast out into the wild, and survives the harsh winter while killing a giant dancing penguin. Returning a king for his inauguration ceremony, Leonidas sees Margo (Carmen Electra) dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her chastity belt.

The film then fast-forwards to where the story begins, opening with Leonidas training his son with his wife Queen Margo watching until Captain (Kevin Sorbo) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived. The messenger has come to present Xerxes’ demands for Sparta’s submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth kisses for the men). After growing angry with the messenger’s disrespect for making out with his wife, Leonidas kicks him, the messenger’s bodyguards, and then several other people he simply disliked, ranging from Britney Spears (Nicole Parker) and Kevin Federline (Nick Steele) to Sanjaya Malakar (Tony Yalda) and the American Idol judges into ‘the pit of death’. As Leonidas walks off he turns to a column that has a switch that reads “Garbage Disposal”, and flips the switch causing the celebrities to spiral to their “death”.