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Introduction:

Ryan (Troy Gentile) and Wade (Nate Hartley) are two nerds preparing for their first day of high school. Things start badly when the pair arrive at school wearing matching shirts, and get worse when Wade sticks up for a fellow nerd, Emmett, (David Dorfman) who is being shoved into a locker by bullies Filkins (Alex Frost) and Ronnie (Josh Peck). The sadistic Filkins makes it his mission to haze and humiliate the three at every chance. The trio complain to the principal (Stephen Root), but their concerns fall upon deaf ears. Unsurprisingly, Filkins is infuriated that the boys would squeal on him. The hazing gets worse, and Wade suggests to his friends that they pool their money together to hire a bodyguard who can protect them. Placing an ad on the Internet, they select Drillbit Taylor, a supposed martial arts master/mercenary (Wilson) out of several candidates. In reality, he is just a homeless man who sleeps under a picnic table, showers on a public beach overlooking the highway, and eats out of a dumpster. His real intention of becoming their bodyguard is to rob their houses when they are focusing elsewhere, in order to escape to Canada. In order to keep up his role, Drillbit is forced to pose as a substitute teacher at their school, complete with a stolen suit. After a confrontation with Filkins, Ryan and Wade have challenged Filkins to a fight, who agrees if they come to his house for the fight (Filkins is an emancipated minor and owns his own house). During the fight Emmett (who previously abandoned Ryan and Wade) shows up for the last part of the fight delivering many small punches to Filkins’s leg. Drillbit shows up and continues to take punches from Filkins until he finds out that Filkins is no longer a minor. During the group’s celebration, the police show up and Drillbit, a U.S. Army deserter, is forced to flee. Filkins runs out with a samurai sword and throws it at Ryan, Wade and Emmit, which Drillbit stops just in time it by catching it (giving him a gash on his hand and severing his pinky). Filkins is then arrested and taken back to his parents in Hong Kong, and Drillbit taken to the hospital, then prison. Three weeks later, Taylor is out of prison and celebrating with his new friends and new girlfriend (one of the teachers at the high school).